The Boutique (part 5)

(part three, four)

I volunteered for awhile at a cancer resource center, where, amongst other services, free wigs and breast prosthetics were given to clients.

For the privacy of those involved, names and details have been changed.

May, 2009

A woman comes in one day, around 40 years old. She is squeezing her hands together; her shoulders are tensed up; she is nervous.

She walks through the front door...looks to her left, then her right. Then she approaches the desk where I am sitting. She says, "I was told maybe I could look into breast prosthetics here?"

She whispers the words breast and prosthetic.

I say, "Yes ma'am. Let me call down one of our staff and they can assist you."

She tries to ask a question: "Are the staff...I mean, I was wondering if there are any..."

She pauses, searches for words. I can guess what she's trying to say, this comes up a lot with the breast prosthetics. I tell her, "We always have female staff assist with the prosthetics."

She laughs, relieved, and says, "Thank you. I saw you at the desk and I...I don't know. I didn't know how this worked."

I tell her, "Not a problem. Let me call Samantha, she'll be right down."

Normally, with the subdued, nervous clients, I ask Debra or Catherine to help. They're cautious...know when to give a client a little space, respect their comfort zone. Whereas Samantha: chatty, gregarious, facebook obsessed Samantha...she can be a little overwhelming for some people. She is like an instant best friend, and some of the clients are a little too emotionally raw for that kind of approach.

However, on this day, Samantha is the only staff on site. I breathe in. I call her upstairs office. I say, "A client needs assistance with the prosthetics." And the only thing I hear in response: running footsteps as she barrels down the stairs.

The client hears the footsteps...glances at me nervously. I say, "She's energetic."

Samantha rushes over, introduces herself. Then she walks the client over to a couch, they sit. Samantha says, "Tell me how I can help, sweetie."

The client explains that, two years ago, she developed breast cancer and had undergone a double mastectomy. She had opted not have to have reconstructive surgery. And she chose not to wear a breast prosthetic (often a silicone breast that is inserted into a specially made bra. At the center, both bras and prosthetics are available and free to clients). She describes that, after the surgery, she became depressed and began to socially isolate, had been avoiding a lot of friends and family for a long time.

"But," the client says, "my wedding anniversary is in a few months and we're going on a cruise in Hawaii. And..."

She becomes upset, begins to cry. She continues, "I want to wear a bathing suit. And I just...I want to have my shape back. I don't want...."

She gestures at her chest, says, "this. I don't want this anymore."

Samantha takes her hand, squeezes it, asks, "And you didn't want the prosthetics until now?"

"No. I hated the idea of them. I still do. I always worried about...i don't know. How they would feel. And I thought everyone would see them and just...you know? I thought they would look so fake. The whole idea of a prosthetic...I was just afraid that I would look and feel pathetic."

Samantha says, "Sweetie, give me 20 minutes to show you what they look and feel like. You'll leave here feeling differently about them, I promise. These things are so well designed now...very comfortable, very natural looking. We'll take some measurements, get you fitted for a bra...I promise, you'll love it."

The client sighs. She looks skeptical, miserable. Samantha says, "You don't believe me and that's okay. In your mind, breast prosthetics are, like, weird, clunky granny-boobs."

The client laughs a little.

"But," Samantha says, "I'm telling you! The way these things are designed now...they're miracles. Twin miracles."

They go into the boutique, do measurements. The client sounds anxious, a little down. At first. But Samantha chisels away at her, talking, talking, breaking out her A material. You know she's in her zone when she begins to tell facebook stories.

"I get this friend request from my aunt; my moms oldest sister. Haven't seen her in years, so I think, "Cool, I can catch up with her, see how she's doing." I accept the request. Look at her page. And I see photo after photo of half naked dudes all greased up, flexing muscles, wearing these tiny little speedos. I was like, 'Oh my god!' My aunt is 62!"

Like that. She tells stories, gets the woman talking about her internet habits, her TV habits. It comes out that they both read those Twilight books. Obsessively. And from that point on the conversation is rapid-fire, full-volume chaos.

Then Samantha says, "Okay, we're all set. Here's the bra; you can go into that room there, try it on. Then come out, let's see you."

Minutes pass. I hear a door open...I hear the client crying. Samantha says, "Aw, sweetie. I hope those are happy tears."

The client doesn't respond for a bit. Then she mumbles something I can't hear. Samantha says, "Awesome. That's what I like to hear."

The client is pleased with the result. They talk for a bit, about the feel of the bra, the weight of the prosthetic. The client expresses enormous relief.

Catherine, the program director, walks through the front door, returning from a meeting. She hears, from the boutique: crying, laughing, loud conversation.

Catherine looks at me. I say, "Samantha. With a client." She replies, "Sounds like it."

Samantha pops her head around the corner, says, "Catherine...I just hooked this awesome lady up with a sweet pair of cruise-boobs. You gotta meet her!"

Catherine goes back, they all talk for a bit. Catherine goes upstairs.

And then Samantha's demeanor changes. The chatty, outgoing personality drops away.

She says to the client, quietly, "I'm going to tell you something now...and it's something you already know. You need to do something about the depression. Prosthetics won't help with that."

The client doesn't say anything. Samantha continues. "Find someone to talk to; the sooner the better. I have a list of phone numbers you can try. Or, if you want...join one of our groups. We have one every week, women going through exactly the same thing. Seriously great women, I think you'd like them."

The client says, "I don't know if I can."

"I hear that," Samantha says. "No pressure. I just want you to think about it."

They walk into the lobby, the client says goodbye. They hug one another.

As she's walking out, the client says, "Oh! I told my best friend I would call her after this."

She takes out her cell phone, presses numbers. As she's walking away, she says, "Donna? I have boobs!"

Samantha yells, "Woo hoo!" and goes back to her office.