Toasters-
Toasters are grabby little heat-machines used in the de-softening of bread. They were invented in 1477 by The Bakers Of Ill-Repute (an illicit cabal of wayward pie-cooks). Lashing out at their rivals, the Pro-doughist Union, The Bakers forced bread into what was initially called "The Vertically Toasting Burn-Slot Oven". This was later shortened to "toaster" (or, within hipster circles, "toe").
Toasters are nocturnal breeders and emit horrible urine when frightened.
Shoelaces-
No one knows what these are. The droppings of cloth pigeons? We don't know. Ambiguous, they menace and taunt us all.
Moon-
The moon was not made by ducks. It floats and glows and is probably stupid. Scientists landed there decades ago. They hopped about in air-suits and looked with their investigation faces. They discovered: boulders, no ducks, a modicum of dust and a great many teflon deposits.
Bees-
Bees are tiny ducks. Their pointy bills are in the wrong place and will sting you. Wear that bee-keeper suit when duck hunting. Bees were first discovered by Viking scientists out on one of their educational looting sprees. It was an exciting time.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comments:
applause meter is at its peak. cannot remember if i told you this before, but these definitions for knowing remind me so much of elizabeth bishop's wonderful poem, "12 o'clock news" (from her collection, geography iii).
Post a Comment