people-sketch: a meeting of the dis-convivial

I.

My college history: I attended a very small seminary for two years, and then a big state college for three years.

The seminary had this deal: anyone could attend for two years, but after that only those officially signed up for the seminary program could continue there. It was less expensive than the state college...had most of the basic classes available...so that was the primary reason I attended. Cheap, got the obligatory stuff out of the way.

II.

This was a strict campus. Conservative dress-codes rigidly enforced. Male and female students were not allowed to touch or be alone together anywhere on campus. R-rated movies? Not allowed in the dorms.

All students...even those not in the seminary program...had to take bible courses. All students had to attend morning church services at least twice a week. The campus held these services every single morning of the school week...and every night just after dinner.

Strict. Not my thing really, but those were the rules. What's funny is that, for the most part, the rules were completely unnecessary. The majority of the students were quiet, well-behaved bible scholars who were unlikely to, god forbid, watch an R-rated movie in the dorm. The rules were preaching to the choir (or the reverse: singing to the preachers; either way).

III.

One day, early in my first semester there: I'm walking down a hallway...heading to class...when I hear a very unusual sound: curse-words. A long string of them. Whoa.

It's coming from the cafeteria. Female voice. Heavily-accented English. I'm curious, so I peek into the crowded cafeteria and see an Asian student digging frantically through her bookbag. This is what she's saying: "Fuck! Son of a bitch! Oh son of a bitch!".

Quite a few students are looking at her with disdain. There's even a table of professors openly scowling. People react negatively...but no one says a word. Infuriating, because 1. I know...we're all incredibly proper here and have delicate seminary ears...but grow up. People curse. And 2. it couldn't be more obvious: she doesn't know.

I walk up to her and say, "Hi. The words you're using...I don't mind at all...but they can be...you know, offensive. To some of the people here. Really offensive."

She looks mortified. She slowly places a hand over her mouth. She looks around the room and says, "Sorry everyone. I apologize. Sincerely. This will not happen again." She collapses into a chair and whispers, "How bad is this?"

"I don't know. It happens."

"Is this...?" She pauses...looks very upset...says, "Thank you" and walks rapidly out of the cafeteria.

IV.

Over the course of that school year, I had several conversations with her. She had only been in the country a few weeks when I met her...and all of her knowledge of the United States, it's culture, had come from a few classes she had taken in Malaysia. "They taught us customs, basic history, traditions".

She was a Taoist...had no knowledge of Christianity other than what they had taught her in this class. "They told us the bible story...the core beliefs. They never mentioned 'Oh, avoid this word. And that word.' They just told us about Jesus, the concept of the cross. Nothing about words." The day I met her, she had lost an expensive textbook.

At that point in time, she did not speak a great deal of English. And because she was a perfectionist, she seldom initiated conversation. Her preference was to say nothing unless she could say it well. She was adamant about this. Kept to herself, politely avoid others as much as she could.

V.

In that setting, she didn't fit in. I...being me...also did not fit in. Consequently, we developed a habit of sharing tables or booths if we ran into one another. This was not a friendship thing: we rarely conversed, due to the language barrier. It was a social camoflage thing. Sitting alone in a crowded setting is no fun. So, if she saw me at a table, she would nod...say "Hello. May I sit here?"...and we would quietly sit, study our books and then go our seperate ways.

Second year at the seminary: she did not return. She had started there for the same reason I did, the price...and was really caught off guard by the bible classes and church services. She mentioned several times that they were strange to her. I just assumed I would never see her again.

Third year, I began at the state college. After a month or so...out of the blue...there she was. We crossed paths in the library. She had transferred to this college the year before. Her English was drastically improved. Her grammar: precise, much better than my own. Suddenly, she talked...was much more comfortable interacting...and a nice (but always distant) friendship ensued. We would walk around campus together, go out for lunch, and so on.

Jen-ling. I've had up a few of our conversations, from the last semester: here, and here. Our interactions evolved along with her language, but one thing never changed: she cursed like a sailor when upset. Which...once we were in a more open setting...was funny. State colleges: a little more down with that sort of thing.